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Effing Ylvis

4 Jan

Ning-ning-ning etc.

I have nothing against Ylvis. Apart from having my kids insist that I play them an Ylvis / Katy Perry (Roar) double-header, they have done me no wrong.

Given that Ylvis are meant to be comedians, I thought that their song ‘What Does the Fox Say?’ was daft and (surprisingly) a little unfunny, but there’s no accounting for what pleases the internet.

But then I noticed that they only say ‘What does the fox say?’ half the time. For the rest they say, ‘What the fox say?’ which is inexplicable unless…

The Sex Pistols famously emphasised the wrong syllable of words such as ‘significant’ in order to imply a nasty swearword on public radio. I wonder if Ylvis didn’t come up with this song merely to amuse themselves with the knowledge that they’re getting away with repeatedly saying WTF in a song adored by preschoolers.

It at least explains how it functions as comedy on a level besides being plain bizarre.

Shopping Hazards

15 Aug

Classified Ads are Often Nuts

1. Plague bike

deadleopardbike

This guy is selling his bike with the romantic notion of being able to ride to places with dead cheetahs AND dead skunks. Also the cheetah has been lightly shaved.

2. Demon bike

poltergeistbike

This guy’s bicycle sounds demon possessed. I imagine it in the garage with its gears spontaneously clattering away, and things breaking off of it without warning…

3. Bile bike

bilecycle

This guy has a bilecycle. I’m not sure what that is, but I don’t think I want it. I like how he had two stabs at the word ‘bicycle’ without success.

Fashion. Why.

1. Choose your battles

DSC00361

This guy’s girlfriend has obviously forced him to wear this hideous garbage, because he clearly looks miffed and a bit embarrassed (and totally whipped), and she looks cross but slightly exhilarated, like she just won something. “You will stand here for this photo, or so help me…”

2. Someone has to pay

DSC00517

Just so we’re clear, the shirt is emblazoned with a HUGE shiny decal that says, ‘Young, Reckless, Wild, and Awesome’. Because you shop at the mall. Right. Even the mannequin can’t believe he has to wear this.

If you have to praise yourself on your own t-shirt, especially using some drunk 50-year-old clothes-builder’s idea of how young people hope to be seen, then you’re probably the opposite, and you deserved it when you were bullied as a child.

3. Wow you look like the man of my dreams

DSC00519

This mannequin reminds me of someone that I usually associate with the nightmare of clothes shopping.

I can't quite put my finger on who...

I can’t quite put my finger on who…

Child’s Play

1. Costume that is everything

My kid wants a tiger birthday-party this year, so we’re on the lookout for tiger dress-up outfits.

tiger chewie

This costume-hire Website must have some interesting employees.

Boss: ‘Describe a tiger.’

Designer: ‘It’s really long-haired, and looks like a novelty brown shag rug that’s been given peroxided highlights all over.’

Boss: ‘Describe Chewbacca.’

Designer: ‘He’s really long-haired, and looks like a novelty brown shag rug that’s been given peroxided highlights all over.’

Boss: ‘Wonderful! How about werewolf?’

Designer: ‘It’s smooth and orange with black stripes. Looks like a cat.’

tiger002_big

Pictured left: Zebra. Pictured right: George W Bush

2. Sapiential

engrish_sapiential

Happy study wisdom pullulate.

3. Use your Illusion

DSC00323

Here’s your stupid fairytale carriage, Kid, but you’re living in an illusion state.

4. Butt injection baby

DSC00371

This baby laughs when you push its stomach and cries when you inject things into its rectum.

More Eastern Knockoffs

1. Michelle-Pfeiffer Man

catsuit

2. Flower story

DSC00373

3. Plainboy

DSC00372

4. Boo!

DSC00375

Sex(ism) Sells

10 Jan

1. Only one?

This silly ad has been plaguing the right side of my email window for the last week:

womansingular

Now, firstly, although that dress is quite distracting, I would still expect the copywriter, art director, forex-company guy, or someone, anyone, who saw this before publication to have noticed that ‘woman’ is in the singular. Is it just her who loves successful men (and is she bad with noun-verb agreement)? Do I have to be successful and track her down?

But secondly, are there not women who like to throw their money away on the finance markets? Must women also aspire to become successful men who are loved by woman?

2. 1st for really facile women

Maybe the dumbest cliche men have about women is that they are all really nuts about shoes and phones and chocolates. So when making an ad just for women, there’s no way an advertiser would just roll out that tired, lame generalisation. I mean, that would just be insul…

1st for women 1

3. Oh, and hair and shopping

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the dumbest generalisation is that all women love shopping and having their hair done. I  could picture the guys in ‘Mad Men’ spitting this one out when they’re actively trying to insult their repressed, domesticated wives.

go_woman

[Excuse the rubbish pic quality. The copy roughly translates as: ‘Until they make a doll-yourself-up trolley, you can rely on Go! Woman to get you through a rough day’].

4. Honourary mention: other kinds of women

Here’s another retarded ad from my email provider, targeted to my specifically male needs:

Casual club other kinds of women

I’m a man, so obviously I’d like to have all sorts of women on the side, and when I do, Casual Club will hook me up with, um, let’s see: married women, engaged women, single women and, uh… that’s all the marital statuses but I have this other block to fill… uh, women women? Slightly bored women, judging by the picture? Bored of being neither single nor married nor engaged women, perhaps? Maybe reading-a-book women?

Update: 2nd Bite at the Apple

The good people at gamble-on-forex have tried again with a reformat of their ad, and once again failed to notice any problems:

womansuccessful

The new version also reveals that their model’s hair really does go on for ages. That must be quite a burden.

Scholars are Morons

9 Dec

Here are two quotes from a page of the social sciences that I’m being forced to read:

‎The language of liminal culture is characterised by a ‘dialectic of culture and identification’ that has neither binary nor hierarchical clarity. Its speech is disjunctive and multiaccentual.

And

It features ‘minimal rationality’ as a dialogic process that ‘attempts to track displacements and realignments that are the effects of cultural antagonisms and articulations — subverting the rationale of the hegemonic moment and relocating alternative, hybrid states of cultural negotiation.’

Clever people are sometimes the stupidest.

Student Spelling: Zero Understanding

15 Nov

I’ve shared beautiful spelling errors from my students before, but I think this one is my favourite:

undersatandong

No understanding…