Archive | June, 2011

Impy’s Wonderland makes me Wonder

30 Jun

Ugh.Impy’s Wonderland is a kids’ movie, seemingly aimed at the 5-10 year-olds. It’s not very good, although to be fair I wasn’t really paying attention.

The movie did get me to focus for a short while, however, because utter disbelief is a good attention grabber. The dull dinosaurish creature, Impy, wants to be a star and so accompanies the bad guy to his theme park to be a performer. At his show, he begins to sing — but what song do the writers script compilers have him do? Apropos of nothing, he breaks into Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. For 5-year-olds.

That’s not even the worst part. As a ‘visual gag’, two phallic cannons each blow a load of glitter out onto the stage as the lyrics begin.

Sex bomb, sex bomb, you’re a sex bomb uh, huh
You can give it to me when I need to come along, give it to me
Sex bomb, sex bomb, you’re my sex bomb
And baby, you can turn me on, baby, you can turn me on
You know what you’re doing to me, don’t you?
Ha ha, I know you do

I’m not sure how much of the song they did as I made a dive for the skip button — both because it’s a deeply, deeply inappropriate scene for kids, and a really annoying song for adults — but that definitely earns Impy’s Wonderland a demotion from mediocrity-purgatory into the stupidity inferno.

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Weird stuff I’ve found in golf bags

28 Jun

AsĀ  a bit of an on-and-off hobby, I’ve been buying and selling golf kit with a view to improving my own set without it costing me anything. So I’ve bought a good number of second-hand sets over the year. Some sellers are surprisingly careless about checking the pockets of the stuff that they sell. Here are some of the stranger things that I’ve pulled out of my purchases:

  • An unopened box of Camel cigarettes
  • A set of house keys
  • A mini South-African flag
  • An empty sex-aid tablet wrapper (you know, for on the golf course)
  • A pair of grandfatherly Y-front underwear (white)
  • Four rounds of ammunition, including one hollow-point

The buyer with the bullets misrepresented his set — two of the shafts were broken — but I wasn’t about to ring him up to complain.