Archive | December, 2010

Ungenius Gallery

8 Dec

Here are some ungenius offerings from my travels in the last week or three.

The Long Walk to Fiction?

Bookshop Misfile

Local bookshop files 'Long Walk to Freedom For Kids' in the fiction section.

I would express some good old-fashioned non-fiction annoyance if I had spent that many actual years in prison, only to have my memoirs classed as fictional.

World’s Ugliest Cushion

Ugly Cushion

Even cat lovers should be offended

World’s ugliest cushion found unharmed in rural Cape surrounds.

What’s in the cake anyway?

Choc WHAT??


The restaurant that we chose for our office Christmas party seems to have been hit pretty hard by the recession if they’ve resorted to these kinds of ingredients. [A concerning aside: there was little or no choc mousse in the cake when it came, which makes me wonder whether this actually was a misspelling…]


Golf Naming Gaffes

8 Dec

The golf industry is cluttered with more gimmicky rubbish than you can swing a stick at, and in the contest to have clubs that are shinier, more multi-faceted, more heavily branded and more apparently technologically advanced than the next guy, one can expect to see companies occasionally going too far.

Bless the writers of golf club blurb at the Wilson Sports Company who stuck this on their Rx irons:

Gravity Control

Yes, it says, 'Gravity Control'

Not only are these clubs good for hitting golf balls, they evidently are also responsible for controlling gravity. We should be thankful, because if it weren’t for the constant 10m/s/s pull of our planet, I think we’d all die. Goodness knows who was controlling it before Wilson started making these.

Anticipating your Incontinence
I trust that the following golf club earns its ungenius status only due to the quirks of local slang, and that most of you do not baf in polite company. If the following word has any wider usage, then let the writers at the Spalding Company have ‘Ungenius’ tattooed on their foreheads:


A bit windy out, Big Momma?


I can just about forgive calling a club ‘Big Momma’. A partner company has for a long time made a prestigious range named ‘Big Bertha’, and so Spalding is obviously trying to me-too that odd convention.

What I can’t understand is why they wrote ‘Baffy’ on this one. I can only imagine they were using an automated synonym generator and that they took the following path:

  1. Spalding Executive: We want to give the sense of ‘cutting through the air’.
  2. Auto Synonym Suggestion: ‘Breaking wind’.
  3. SE: OK, but we need some catchier street slang for that.
  4. ASS: ‘Baf’ or ‘Baffy’.

Now given that it coincidentally has a ‘Senior Flex’ shaft on it, I’ve got the mental picture of an overweight elderly woman with a flatulence problem. Well let me hit the links with that one in my bag!!