A prison for your sprinkles

10 Sep

You can now purchase cake decorating sprinkles in a handy spice-rack-friendly bottle! All you do is flip the lid and shake!

And  – besides a rattling noise – nothing will happen. The reason for this is as follows:

Bad planning

Size of contents

Those are some hefty sprinkles...

What you have purchased is in fact a small plastic prison for deviant sugar creatures, with breathing holes punched in the top. The decorations are at least twice the diameter of the holes through which they’re seemingly intended to pass.

I know what you’re thinking. In your head, you’re saying, ‘No one would actively package their product in a container that allows you no access to the contents! No one hoping to be a commercial success is that careless! That’s one of those screw-top bottles, and you’re supposed to just take the lid off.’

Well, as it turns out, the only way to satisfy your craving for delightful blue sugary sea creatures is to risk serious injury by hacking away at the smooth plastic cylinder with something very sharp. The bottle is seemingly designed to deflect scissor blades at velocity towards exposed skin, rather than for opening.

How to open

Buyer and ambulance chasers beware

Fortunately I avoided injury this time, and it was the bottle that came out of the battle with the more significant losses. However, I do not see much future in food that one needs to hunt with dangerous implements. I thought we’d largely moved beyond that once we moved indoors. And at least in those days if you sustained serious scarring it was a lion wot dun it. I doubt injury-by-cake-decoration is going to earn me enough street cred to justify the risk.

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