Tribute to Ugliness

‘The Homer’ is a car designed by Homer Simpson, ugly and undesirable enough to have sunk a fellow cartoon-character’s successful motor company (I think it has a certain pizazz).

Somehow, car companies in the not-cartoon world manage to out-ugly The Homer without matching its flair. These are my top 3 from the last little while:

#3 The 1990s Ford Escourt Mark 5

I’ve heard that Ford proudly announced that, for the Escort, they had bucked the trend of designing cars by computer, and had gone old school on this one. So they managed this level of ugliness without computer assistance? A remarkable achievement. Every time one of these goofy-faced exercises in ennui crests a rise, I’m compelled to let out a whimper and to look in another direction, which is particularly dangerous if I’m driving.

#2 The Fiat Multipla

The Fiat may well have been designed by computer, but it was almost certainly designed by two computers. I’m betting that the designers pitched each of their designs to Fiat, and Fiat said, ‘Oh, they’re both so beautiful, I can’t decide… Let’s do both… AT THE SAME TIME!!!’ One way or another, they decided to drop that little car into that bigger car, and then just stuck it into production.

#1 The Ford Ka

Maybe it’s the generous swathes of grey plastic… maybe it’s that the back wheels seem not to want to be connected to the car. I don’t know. Maybe it’s that the car is clearly modelled after what is politely called an ‘abdominal guard’:

I’ll bet the designer was told to make it look sporty yet safe.

Anyway, if they ever get to the stage of reissuing the Ka with one of those sub-brand names attached, I’m going to suggest that they call it the Ford Ka Rap.