Archive | February, 2010

Out of the Woods

23 Feb
tiger woods

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

News agencies sometimes have a way of pretending that something is newsworthy, and then milking it for weeks after even the most generous of consumers surely must have lost interest. Tiger Woods. Famous for golf. Not famous for inspiring ‘World’s Best Husband’ mugs. Not famous for incredible feats of integrity. Cheated on his wife. Incredible. A rich sportsman. Into women. Amazing. Allow me to suggest similarly engaging stories:

This just in: Rockstar Smokes Spliff!

Breaking Story: Billionaire Dodges Reasonable Amount of Tax

Stop the Presses: Politician Kisses Baby, Doesn’t Mean It

I don’t really care What Tiger Did, and neither should you. It’s only newsworthy if you’re Mrs Woods, and you probably aren’t. Buying newspapers on the strength of this only encourages ungenius news reporting. Vote with your wallet. For the love of all things holy.

Some Wear and Tear

23 Feb

Why post a class ad for the sale of your bikes and provide unequivocal photographic proof that you’ve trashed them? Urgent sale: the duct tape won’t hold long enough for protracted transactions.

You want me to buy those bikes that are on fire?

"Alright!! Our hairstyles are back in!!!"

Kids these days…

13 Feb
Local Library keeps things a little too real

Local Library keeps things a little too real

Apparently, once the kids have finished with ‘Ready, Set, Grow’, they should already be considering performance enhancing drugs, and ways of discreetly having their playground STDs seen to.

Regretro: Do You Speak Micra?

10 Feb

Silly Micra AdBefore the Nissan Micra rusts from our collective memories, it is worth erecting some small monument to one of the worst advertising concepts ever to have money thrown at it. It makes it ever so much better that the ad was directed by everyone’s favourite genius/ungenius, David Lynch.

The ad is still available to view on YouTube, and long may it remain there.

It’s fine when you’re into Elves or Klingons that you should learn a special niche language, but only if you’re happy to be ostracised from society but for the occasions when the convention is on. So the idea that anyone should be concerned that they do not ‘speak Micra’ is doomed from the start. When that language (constructed by suturing two words together) resorts to ‘spafe’ on its third go… Well, how did it ever get past the Creative Director?

Perhaps it was one of those concepts that one presents to the client in order to make sure that he picks the other concept (that tactic always backfires).

However it got onto TV, we’re grateful that it did. Having seen the product, allow me to suggest some more appropriate Micra-speak: regretro.