Samsung Random Copy Generator

3 Jan

Samsung phone box reads 'trim off the bubbles / glitter your styleSamsung presumably make some good stuff, because people keep buying their kit. I just haven’t come across any.

I owned two profoundly faulty TV-to-DVD recorders for a while. I also owned their E330 cellphone for about a month, before realising that it was the worst phone ever made. As I am extremely forgiving and impossibly cheap, I recently bought the M620, which I discovered is the second-worst phone that I’ve seen (it was for my wife, and since it requires about 6 or 8 button-presses just to choose and confirm an sms recipient, she went back to her decade-old Nokia that has about 3 minutes of battery life, as it is still more advanced and more convenient than the Samsung).

Design stupidity is one thing, but it seems that Samsung’s knack for no-worky technology is possibly finding new applications in automatically generated copywriting. We’re all accustomed to absurd copywriting styles. There is that preposterous esoterica that sells electric shavers that will revitalise your soul. There are those meaningless promises of blenders that are more than just spinning blades, they’re a lifestyle choice. But shouldn’t the words at least have reference to something? If the copywriter is getting 400 an hour, surely mucking around with fridge-poetry magnets for 30 seconds between games of solitaire is a little dishonest?

So the best they could do is “Trim off the bubbles. Glitter your style.” I was unable to locate any bubbles, glitter or style in the package supplied.

I don’t know, perhaps it would be fun to write copy for Samsung. There really is no pressure when there’s no accountability. Your TV? “Twiddle your rheostat. Spank that participle.” Try to guess what this one would be for: “Citrus the umbrella. Circumcise your schoolbus.” It’s a ceiling fan. Obviously.

At least there’s a happy ending to this one for me. While we were away for the holidays, someone did their Christmas shopping in our bedroom. He must have been on drugs or surprised by the housesitter, because in his haste he stole the Samsung. Poor guy.

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