Kelloggs’ Coco Props

3 Jan

The Kelloggs Spoon StrawKelloggs is a smart bunch of people. They sold us Frosties for years before everyone got tired of paying double for cornflakes just because they’d already put the sugar on for you. They’re usually exploiting public stupidity, not contributing to it. However, the current gimmick helping to sell our batch of CocoPops couldn’t have even seemed clever when the CEO’s kid scrawled it on the back of his maths homework. Why daddy went through with it is anyone’s guess.

It’s a spoon-straw. The leftover coco-popped milk is so darned delicious that who could resist slurping up every last drop of it? “And what better way,” pipes our imaginary CEO, who recently took a meaty blow to the head, “than to have a straw built in to your cereal spoon?”

“But sir…” says a concerned employee, perhaps the Manager of Nominal Vitamin Enrichment.

“So that’s decided,” says the CEO, who is not a good listener. “And according to our mark-to-market accounting system, junior will have a hefty bonus.”

You see, as ingenious as it would be to have a spoon-straw with which to suck all the chocolatey goodness, there are several obvious reasons why that is an abysmally stupid idea, at least in the Kelloggs form. The first may be simply illustrated:

Spoon straw problem

Ah! you might say. But what about that clever little  U-bend in the spoon shaft? Surely that lets you get that straw nice and low if you go in sideways.

Spoon straw still gets nowhere near the milk

I may have the technique wrong, but the spoon actually seems to bend away from the bottom of the bowl.

I think that ungenious little kink in the shaft of the straw-spoon is actually a milk-collecting reservoir for all those times at the breakfast table when you feel like the rancid, flaky memories of breakfasts past to wander out of the straw and onto your spoon. On the other hand, because of its careful design, it’s highly unlikely that you will ever have got milk in that unwashable catchment area in the first place.

I’m afraid that when it comes to ingenuity, this strange offering earns Kelloggs the wooden spoon.

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3 Responses to “Kelloggs’ Coco Props”

  1. Ingrid May 21, 2010 at 2:53 pm #

    Laughed out loud!!! 🙂

  2. Great Ideas March 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm #

    You’ve completely missed the point of this toy for children aged 3+.
    It’s called a “Magic Spoon” for a reason. The idea is that you can suck up the milk through the spoon / straw. The milk magically disappears behind the character but still reaches your mouth. Work that one out genius.
    As for resting it on the side of the bowl – why? It wasn’t ever designed to do that…..ever.
    When children use it – it works brilliantly.
    3 million units sold – how many companies can claim a figure like that?

    • Jordan Pickering March 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

      “3 million units sold – how many companies can claim a figure like that?”

      Any company that puts toys into 3 million products that people would buy in any case?

      So, you fill the spoon, balance it horizontally, and then suck the milk out the back? Using magic. OK. That’s slightly better than what I thought. Still, my kids spill breakfast on themselves with spoons that don’t have intentional leaks and require additional feats of balancing. But OK, it looks more magic than regular breakfast, so I’m warming up to the idea. I can virtually feel myself inching towards genius IQ as we speak. And don’t rest it on the bowl, because it wouldn’t do anything? Got it.

      But, seriously, how am I going to get the last bit of milk out of the bottom of the bowl, because it’s an ongoing problem?

      And sorry for all the questions, but are you the Manager of Nominal Vitamin Enrichment?

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